Against the Ropes - DivX Version (Normal Quality), DVD (Good Quality), PDA Version
November 14, 2009
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IMDB rating: 5.20 Plot: A Jewish woman from Detroit who became a boxing manager, guiding several major careers. This film focuses on her relationship with one boxer (Epps), who’s reportedly a composite of several including Toney, McKart and Hearns. Kallen eventually left her husband of 30 years, and moved to Los Angeles, becoming the commissioner of the International Female Boxers Association… |
Available versions:
DivX Version (Normal Quality), DVD (Good Quality), PDA Version
Actors: Shalhoub Tony,Epps Omar,Cortese Joseph,Daly Timothy,Dutton Charles S.,Bell Sean,McDermott Dean,Hernandez Juan Carlos,McCallany Holt,Kittles Tory,Mack Gene,Starr Beau,Sport,Drama,
What did I do wrong this time?
Its sad that when I need to vent, I have to turn to anonymous internet people, but I’ve tried in the past to go to my mother-in-law and she brushes me off and says its not her business. I married a younger man who was shy when we met. He was quiet and introverted, but very kind and generous. Over 3 years he’s changed so much… He’s gone from being a very patient, easy going person to exploding constantly. He goes from 0 to 60 in a single sentence and when he gets angry, its always because "I don’t listen to him, I don’t respect him, I dont understand him, or I’m always trying to start something or I’m just a b****. " He lashes out with everything I’ve ever opened up and told him about me, as far as what makes me feel emotionally vulnerable. He uses what I’ve told him against me.
Then he started getting even more personal and witholding sex, or telling me our sex was bad, or that he wasnt attracted to me, that I should lose weight, and the last time he told me I smell. He has stopped foreplay altogether and tries to force his way in and tells me I should "just be ready." Whe he’s mad he tells me he hates me, doesn’t want to be with me, he stays with me only because "sometimes he forgets he hates me" and that I should go back to where I came from. (I immigrated from the US to Canada to be with him.) He gets paranoid, too. I once had a spam email with my first name in the subject, and it happened to be from eharmony so he accused me of making an account and secretly trying to find someone else and he tried to force me to tell him my account name and password. I don’t know how they got my name in the subject but I’ve seen other spam where they know your name, too, right?
In the past year, he’s gone from just yelling to literally bellowing. I can almost see his eyes popping out and he’s red faced and he punches things. He punched a hole through our bedroom door. He beats and punches the steering wheel and dash if we’re in the car. He throws things and gets in my face screaming so loudly that he has spit on his chin. At first I thought that it was a reaction to stress at work because he got promoted to management and has more responsibilities, but now I think he just has serious stress management or anger issues. He has started going behind my back and buying weed and outright lying to my face about it when its stinking up the house. And who knows how much its costing us? He’s started to badmouth me to his friends to turn them against me like I’m "the enemy" and the overall feeling is like I’m the mom and he’s a teenager conspiring to sneak around and do as much as possible behind my back, and goes into rebellion mode instead of a more mature "lets work this out" mode.
This morning he casually mentioned that he wanted us to make New Year’s resolutions. In the back of my head, I was thinking about how there is a double standard in our relationship: he opens my mail, but I’m not allowed to read what he’s typing over his shoulder; I have to cut back on Starbucks but he can keep drinking expensive energy drinks; he can buy a $70 video game but we can’t afford to go see a movie I want to see, if I don’t clean the house daily he gets ’stressed out’ by "the mess" but if he’s off and leaves food wrappers and pop cans around, they can stay the whole weekend and apparently don’t bother him; he can bite me head off and instead of giving me a chance to respond he snaps "No shut up, I don’t want to hear you." He gets to butt in when I’m trying to talk and if I point that out, he says "its because I know what you’re going to say" but if I ever try to butt in, he bites my head off for disrespecting him.
So when he said that, I knew it was trouble and I tried to get out of it because I knew he’d hold me to whatever he came up with or there would be h*** to pay, but he’d cheat or rationalize his way out of his end. I didn’t want to get roped into some kind of forced diet, budget, or slavery. I smiled a little and said "I dunno… that kinda sounds like a fight waiting to happen." I said it like a tease and I smiled at him, hoping that a little humor would divert him. But he instantly exploded. He went from happy to furious and screamed at me "Why do you have to always do that? You don’t understand me, you’re such a b****. Cant you understand its important to me?" So I said, "I’m sorry. I didnt know it meant so much to you. Tell me what you had in mind." And he said "No! I’m not telling you now, you f*** b***." And I tried again and told him I wanted to know and he refused and started punching the dash of the car in rhythm with what he was yelling. We were on our way to work and calling me names and told me that when I go visit my family at Thanksgiving I should stay there and that he’s seeing a lawyer today (he threatens that routinely) and that if I come back, I won’t have a home to come back to. He told me not to speak another word to him and as soon as I got out of the car, he sped off to his work. He turned
LEAVE!!!!
It sounds like your selfish, immature, volatile, little boy of a husband either, is cheating and is treating you so bad till you leave, he may suffer from "Manic-Depression", he may be having a substance abuse problem, or….most likely…..he is an abuser of women. Period.
Threats or not…..leave. You should not have to live in constant fear of rejection, humiliation, abuse, violence, abandonment…etc. And his behavior is lowering your self esteem and now you are unable to see "the forest for the trees"…..you know that you should leave him. Why you stay is beyond me……Maintain your self respect…..at all costs. Never settle for being treated like that.
Your husband is an "emotional rapist"……and you know it, or you wouldn’t be going through this. Nor would you be having to "vent" to internet strangers. I feel bad for you. I myself, have been in your shoes……I left and I survived and am better for it. Free yourself from the bondage of abuse…..only you can help you. Take control of your life back…..Your life is what YOU make it……so take a deep breath and jump. You will be happier for it….trust me. I am praying for you.
God Bless You and good luck
Diane Just Got Married!!! | Nov 03, 2009
Nope, that was way too long to read. Sorry.
AhManDuh | Nov 03, 2009
What you did wrong?
”I immigrated from the US to Canada to be with him” <-This.
S4piens | Nov 03, 2009
Glad to have given you an opportunity to vent…too long…did not read it all
ultimately its your life — change it if you want to
sunbun | Nov 03, 2009
Darlin, I did this for 23 years. Get out and don’t look back. Easier to say than do I know, but just walk. Don’t cry, don’t look back, don’t let it ruin your life………..it is going to get worse not better Best of luck darlin
jungljn | Nov 03, 2009
He calls you names, verbally abuses you, breaks things during tantrums, and controls you.
And yet you are still there…why IS that?
Beat him to the punch, and get a lawyer yourself. You need to get out of this mess before he starts punching YOU, because that’s what is coming next.
Be strong, get off the computer, and open that phone book to "Attorneys".
mrs_g2 | Nov 03, 2009
LEAVE HIM!!!!!
There is nothing worth staying for.
GanoRex | Nov 03, 2009
He is Bipolar.
Gaga | Nov 03, 2009
I’m sorry to hear all this. My first thought was he is doing more than smoking weed. I thought that was all my husband was doing until a friend finally told me he was smoking meth also. That stuff brings out all the mean in a person. You don’t need to live with all that hate and all the insults. He is mentally abusing you and it sounds like it will turn physical soon. If you can stay at your familys for a bit, it may help.
Linda | Nov 03, 2009
You are aware of course that people who act like this to other people are more than capable of killing them don’t you?
If I were you….and I’m not….then I’d make a bee-line back to the good, old U.S of A and leave the Canuck in Canada where he belongs.
If you value your life you’d heed this advice.
Quasimodo | Nov 03, 2009
It sounds to me like your husband is abusive. I am putting down some websites below, check them out or call the hot line. If I were you I would call them and get help and find a way to get away from him to ensure your safety.
Good Luck!
If you like my answer go to my blog and ask me more!
http://justaskmeg.blogspot.com/
meg234 | Nov 03, 2009
This must be a difficult and tough situation for you. It may feel like you are sleeping with the enemy. At the beginning of the relationship he was sweet and kind and now he has turned. He is dealing with issues that he makes you feel has something to do with you. However, this is not your fault. His issues are not your problem. He has to deal with whatever he is going through in a more adult manner. However, you can’t change him. I would not talk to your Mother in Law about this. Remember, to her it would be a criticism as if you are saying that she did something wrong and you know what, ultimately she did. This does result to his childhood issues. Whether you want to blame the parents or not, is not the issue, once you are an adult you are responsible for yourself. However, to get to the root to find out where it stems from does lie within the people who brought you into this world. So, his mother doesn’t want to hear because something negative will come out about her.
So, You do not have to put up with that kind of behavior and when he gets like that, walk away before he can call you bitch and stuff like that. Leave the house and just say, I will not put up with that. He is looking for attention and you keep going back to this abusive relationship. Walk out and say not with me you don’t. You could write him an email and say I think we need counselling and if he refuses then it is clear he does not want to make this work.
Take your power back, talk to as many people as you can about this, keep your words simple and short and hard core when talking to him because he’s really not listening,so no point in saying oh sorry I’m listening now….etc. Tell him when he raises his voice "I am not listening", "I am leaving, I will not tolerate yelling, I was not raised like that, end of story".
This is abusive behavior, I do not want to be black and white and say just leave because I have met couples that stayed together through tougher times. But, you may have to prepare yourself for the worst, which may be leaving him for good and you may end up doing yourself a favor because it is not working. You take charge, find a support system, prepare for being alone, plan for leaving, but find resolutions to make it work and if he refuses, you can’t control him, then the relationship will end but you can hold your head up high because you know your tried and the relationship ran it’s course and it’s time for a change.
Good luck and I am routing for you!!!!
Tanja | Nov 03, 2009